Taken from The Lifestyle Houston
Congratulations on becoming a swinger! It will likely be one of the most fun and rewarding decisions of your life, or a complete clusterfuck that will ruin your marriage and several friendships. Either way it will be exciting, but there are several things to learn and a few pitfalls to avoid if you want to create some wonderful friendships, enhance your sex life, and have a lot of fun.
II. Types of Swingers
There are several types of swingers and it is important to recognize them and discover which type you are. Some of the combinations don’t mix well and if you can identify potential matches quickly it will help you successfully navigate the swinging world and avoid awkward situations.
These are single males or females that enjoy the free love available in the swinging lifestyle but are not interested in commitment. The females are known as unicorns, because of their rarity, while the males are known as lucky guys who have managed to find a group of women who they can fuck without entrapment. Beware of professed swingles who are actually looking for a partner though, as they might try to steal yours!
Professionals are what you typically think of as a swinger, they meet lots of people and manage to keep the sex casual. They tend to enjoy new experiences and are attracted to people new to the lifestyle. They will traditionally be at every party and enjoy lots of random interaction.
These are swingers who attach themselves to one couple almost exclusively for a while, then move on to another. They like deeper attachment and a quasi-committed feel to their swinging partners. The risk here is that one of the pairs is more interested than the other and hard feelings develop.
Filling the Void
Some couples you encounter are having problems or maybe just don’t really like each other very much. They enjoy the lifestyle as a replacement for their relationship rather than a supplement to it. These couples can be fun to party with, but avoid getting too close as you may find yourself quickly in the middle of a mess.
This is the most common type of swinger; they are in the lifestyle for friends and fun. They are more concerned with the friendships than sex, but definitely enjoy both. They will have fewer partners than the professionals and less commitment to other couples than the serial polyamorists and will prefer a comfortable balance in between.
Luckiest Guys in the World (aka Beating the Spread)
As in the vanilla world, you will frequently encounter a couple where the man has a large attractiveness deficit to the woman. Frequently he will be rich, but occasionally he will have extra charisma or just be lucky. He is even more fortunate in the lifestyle because the woman in the relationship is the common currency; if the man is a 5 and the woman is a 9, the man can trade her for another 9, provided the trading partner has the same spread or she is willing to take one for the team. This is a subclass of swinger and can also be in any of the previously mentioned categories. Many of the guys in this category don’t even recognize how fortunate they are and pointing it out won’t likely yield positive results.
Matchups within a swinger type will most frequently result in the best experience, although if you are typical, having some professional friends can be great thing, as they will tend to know everyone and be invited to the best parties, as well as be a lot of fun to get together with from time to time. Professionals and polyamorists may want to avoid each other, as the attention the polyamorists require will probably become tiresome to the professionals, and the lack of commitment from the professionals will vex the polyamorists. With some experience you will recognize the attributes of each type and through conversation with new couples you will be able to profile them with relative ease.
III. The basics
It is a cliché, but true nonetheless that communication is the key to having a good swinging experience. As a couple you should frequently talk about your expectations and what you liked and didn’t like about your experiences. Don’t expect your partner to be able to pick up on subtle queues, make sure you adequately describe your sentiments. You should also communicate with other couples and make sure that you know each other’s boundaries. Some couples have specific limits to sexual acts and contact, while others have virtually none. Don’t assume anyone else shares your same boundaries and make sure your partner is comfortable with what you are doing. A previously agreed upon signal with your partner that you are uncomfortable, such as a phrase or gesture can help you know where to stop without embarrassing the other couple or being too obvious.A couple moves with the slowest person
Each couple will move at its own pace, but you should also move at the pace of the slowest person in the couple. It is easy to become uncomfortable in the lifestyle and if, for example, one person is comfortable in an orgy and the other isn’t, don’t try to push the uncomfortable person into it or he or she will likely have a bad experience. Your comfort levels will change over time, so don’t rush each other into anything and you will find your comfort level as a couple. Encourage each other to try new things and act out your fantasies, but be sensitive to not apply too much pressure or it may backfire on you.
Bad Experiences Will Happen
Everyone in the lifestyle has had a bad experience or two, but don’t let it become commonplace. While most people in the lifestyle are friendly and gracious, you will undoubtedly come across some people who are dishonest, selfish, or careless. A little caution around new people is probably a good idea, and if a situation gets out of hand, don’t hesitate to walk away from it. Talking over your experiences afterwards will help you understand what you liked and didn’t from an encounter and help you avoid bad situations going forward.
Jealousy is a Part of Life
At some point in the lifestyle you will probably experience some jealousy. It may be because your partner is showing too much attention to another person, a person you are interested in is showing you too little, or a myriad of other reasons. This is natural and very few people are immune from its effects. There is no good solution for this, just remember that everyone else experiences the same thing and a rational discussion with your partner can help a great deal in identifying the issue and getting past it.
Dating is the Same as it Always Has Been
Most likely you have been in a relationship for many years before becoming a swinger and it feels a lot like dating again. That’s because it is precisely the same and the game hasn’t changed since you last dated. It is just more complex in the lifestyle, since more people are involved. Make sure you present yourself well, be courteous, address both members of the couple to make sure everyone is comfortable, and don’t be pushy. Be bold, but not overbearing.
It’s OK to Say No
A polite “no thanks” is perfectly acceptable in the lifestyle. Many people think that since they are all swingers they are obligated to get together with another couple, particularly if they have common friends. Chemistry is a personal matter, so don’t feel bad if you aren’t interested in someone who makes advances. Similarly, if you are turned down, don’t take it personally, especially if you are trying to beat the spread and don’t have a suitable trade!
Parties are the swinger raison d’être. Sure, friendship is great too, but the parties are where the real fun happens and separates the swingers from the vanillas. These can be spectacular, as a good party should be an event to remember for years to come. There are several types of parties, ranging from the small and intimate to the large and debaucherous.
Everyone wants to be the center of attention sometime, and a threesome is the quintessential opportunity. Every man fantasizes about being with two women and most women would enjoy experiencing two men. Unfortunately for the women, many men aren’t interested in the MFM. If this is the case with your man, don’t despair, he may become more comfortable with the idea over time. With the FMF it is imperative for the man to give both women attention, since neither woman will want to feel left out. With the FMF it is important for the hostess to make the other woman feel comfortable, as she is the one sharing her man and most likely setting the boundaries.
The classic two couple swap is the most common variety of swinging, yet can take many forms. Most women in the lifestyle have some level of sexual comfort with other women, so that can play into the mix as well. You also should decide if you are comfortable playing in the same room only, or if you prefer separate rooms. Both have their advantages and disadvantages: Playing in the same room is like watching live porn while fucking and the women can play with each other; although it can be distracting and those who are more reserved are likely to be less adventuresome and vocal. Separate room play allows for a more intimate experience, but the couple needs to be very comfortable with each other to avoid this turning into an awkward situation. It is a good idea to have a quick discussion with the other couple prior to playing if you have any preferences or rules. Some couples will even trade for the night or do threesome swaps. With the right couple these variations can be tremendous fun.]
An orgy can be a great time, but not everyone is turned on by the whole spectacle. It is also important to be careful before starting and keep an eye on anyone getting too close that you aren’t interested in. Even in an orgy it’s OK to say no, but it can be tricky to extricate yourself from the situation. It is best to join an orgy where you are attracted to all of the participants or you are drunk enough to not care.
House parties are a great way to meet new people and if you throw your own you can select the participants. You have unlimited possibilities here and it is always a good idea to have some activities planned, such as strip poker, drinking games, gift exchanges, door prizes, and competitions. An added benefit of a house party is the hostess can generally get away with anything, and it is customary for her to kick off the party and have her first selection of the participants.
Meeting a group at a public night club is a low pressure way to meet people and is an especially good form of exhibitionism. If the party is not a lifestyle take over event other people may notice the changing of partners and look on with varying degrees of interest, ranging from disgust to envy. Club takeovers can be awesome spectacles and may resemble something out of an unrated rap video. These can be some of the best parties you will ever experience!
Getting the Party Started
So you have a couple at your house and you are interested in having sex but no one seems to be making a move; how do you get the party started? There are many options, but someone has to initiate contact. Many a promising meeting has ended with people sitting around talking and ultimately going home without anyone getting laid. This is not necessarily a tragedy and the anticipation that builds over more than one meeting can make the eventual encounter more intense; but if everyone is interested, you might as well get naked and have a good time! Starting off with some girl on girl interaction as an appetizer is always a great way to get started. The women tend to enjoy each other and the men always love the show. Then the women can move on to the men and continue the party. Another classic move is to invite everyone to the hot tub. Once you are naked in a small space things tend to take care of themselves, although someone still has to make the first move. If you are bold, good for you, go ahead and make a move and everyone will appreciate it. If not, the best approach is for the hostess to start things off. The rest of the group will naturally be looking to her for queues. Her man wants to make sure she is interested and comfortable before he starts kissing another woman; the other man wants to make sure she is interested before he starts kissing her, and the other woman is looking for an invitation to start groping her man. Of course, once the party starts no one will care how it did!In a FMF threesome situation it is imperative that the hostess start the party with girl on girl action. That lets the other woman know she is welcome and the man know that he is a lucky bastard and that he should appreciate her more.
V. Essential gear
If you don’t have a hot tub, go out and purchase one today. No self respecting swinger can be without one. It is the easiest way to get people naked to start a party and a great way to finish an evening as well.
Without alcohol swinging wouldn’t likely exist. A couple of drinks will help everyone get past their inhibitions and start enjoying their fantasies. Make sure you keep your house stocked with a nice variety and coming up with some specialty shots is a great way to kick off an evening. Be careful not to overdo it though, no one wants you throwing up at their house.
Viagra is a mainstay of swinging, although it is rarely mentioned openly. You may as well have some handy, especially at a house party where you may have more opportunities than you have natural erectile stamina. An added benefit is that when you go to the doctor to request it and he asks if you have any issues in that arena you can say you don’t, but just want the insurance since you will be fucking two women at the same time that weekend.
One of the most beautiful scenes you can ever witness is a woman using a strapon on another woman. Toys of all types can add to the experience and shopping together can be great foreplay. Keep a good selection at home since you never know when one will come in handy.
Chemistry is a broad and complex topic and is impossible to create and difficult to fake. Either you have chemistry with someone or you don’t. You may have sexual chemistry but not platonic chemistry, or vice versa. It is likely that there will be mismatches in chemistry between couples. This is inevitable and can cause some issues if not addressed between partners. Remember that obligation kills attraction.What if you can’t get through dinner?You may find some people attractive and have great sex together but not be able to sustain a dinner conversation. If this is the case, just avoid dinner! Spend time at a noisy club or party, or just go straight to the bedroom. Unless having a close friendship with a sexual partner is important to you, don’t let it get in the way of good sex.How do you know if they are interested?Nearly everyone has some amount of insecurity and it can be difficult to know if someone is interested in you. Remember that no one wants to extend themselves too far without reciprocation. Odds are if someone invites you home they are interested. If they invite you to get in the hot tub you should be pretty confident. If you are still wondering once they start taking off your clothes the lifestyle may not be right for you.
Some amount of drama is inevitable, and tends to be related to jealousy or lack of communication. You will encounter some strange situations and people in the lifestyle, but keeping a sense of humor and open communication with your partner will help you avoid becoming entrenched in a nasty situation. If you sense that an encounter is headed towards a dramatic finish, back out gracefully before matters escalate.
Making and staying in contact with your swinger friends is a large part of the lifestyle, and there are many options available. Getting to know a new partner is also an ingredient of the experience and helps create the exhilarating feel of a new relationship.
Texting or sexting is a great way to stay in contact and build some rapport through an easy, non-pressure medium. Many people find it more comfortable to express their sexual fantasies and limits this way rather than face to face, and communicating through these can help build anticipation and keep relationships fresh. Texting pictures of yourself in various stages of undress and in sexual situations also may enhance the relationship.
Facebook or other social media sites are also a good way to build the friendship portion of a swinger relationship. However, be careful to not get overly casual with your posts and photos, as your family members may become suspicious over time. Swingers tend to overlook that in the vanilla world there is generally a limit to the amount of contact and familiarity that seems normal between married members of the opposite sex.
There are several swinger websites available and they are a good way to make contact with other like-minded people and will keep you updated on parties in your area. They are especially handy for making vacation plans, as you can contact people who will be close by your destination and can have great experiences with new found friends.
A successful and pleasurable swinging experience depends entirely on how you approach it and the energy and time you devote to it. You shouldn’t let it dominate your life, but it should be a fun way to meet new friends and have amazing sexual encounters. By avoiding the drama that can come along with the lifestyle and keeping a sense of perspective and humor, swinging will be a wonderful part of your life for years to come!