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Daniel Stern writes about the three years he spent in 'Swingland'

07-10-2013

Taken from News.com.au

DANIEL Stern is in a stranger's house making awkward small-talk to a man about granite versus laminate kitchen counter tops.

 

Then he's ushered into another room where a woman called Gina - also a stranger - is waiting for the men.

 

"Each of her limbs was tied to a different corner of the mattress with thickly braided white rope and over her petite, tanned torso were sprinkled condoms of seemingly every size and variety in the history of prophylactic manufacture. Gina appeared a sexual sundae of sorts," he writes in his new memoir Swingland.

 

What follows is a passionate six-person romp ... until Stern tries to stand up on the mattress, clips his head on the ceiling fan and spoils the mood with blood gushing all over himself.

 

This is one of the anecdotes Stern shares in his book, which documents his immersion in what acolytes call "the Lifestyle", the Daily Mail reports.

 

Swinging culture is no longer a big bowl full of car keys ready to be swapped by horny adults in 1970s suburbia.

 

Stern discovers it's shaken off its somewhat seedy past and is enjoying a modern liberation thanks to the internet. He wanted to help other men become more educated swingers than he was when he embarked on the journey as a shy and sexually unadventurous type.

 

But he acknowledges swinging isn't for everybody - certainly not the faint of heart or easily injured.

 

In the throes of passion with a particularly athletic woman, Stern was thrown off the bed on to his pelvis. He's hurt so badly it requires morphine and a weeks of orthopedic treatment.

 

Another time, he rocks up to an orgy only to discover he is the youngest person in the room by at least three decades. A woman called Jackie jumps on to him just as he finishes eating, tears his clothes off and summons two more males to wear down her "limitless energy".

 

Another time, having sex with a husband and wife duo, the woman's screams were so loud he was sure the neighbours would call the cops.

 

Other experiences seem surreal. After driving across town at a moment's notice for sex with another married couple, Stern watches a Steven Seagal movie with the husband while the woman busies herself in the bathroom. The movie stays on while the trio hook up.

 

Swinging is broken down into a number of scenarios, he explains: one-on-one, threesomes, the hard or full swap (essentially a foursome when two couples all have sex), a soft swap (couples switch partners but no oral or intercourse takes place), and group scenarios.

 

And "the Lifestyle" comes with a code of conduct: be honest, truthful about your appearance, age, relationship status and sexual orientation; don't judge others; embrace rejection and be polite when it happens.

 

His book also comes with a helpful chapter about how to throw your own swingers party if the mood strikes. Mind the ceiling fan.

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