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Stripping, Swinging & Sex Stuff: How to Get Kinky in Miami

27-02-2017


Jason Hoffman/Thrillist

 

People come to Miami to get laid. Maybe it's the heat. Maybe it's the humidity. Maybe it's because our state makes a map of the United States look like that mule who got a little too excited at the petting zoo.

   
By  Matt Meltzer from Thrillist

Whatever it is, the term "sex tourism" doesn't have the same nasty connotations as blowing all your graduation money in a dank corner of Eastern Europe. In Miami, "sex tourism" means coming here to do sex stuff you can't back home. Or, even if there is a seedy little swingers club in your hometown, doing sex stuff with people you're almost guaranteed to never see again. So whether it's swinging, experimenting, or getting a ball gag stuffed in your mouth while being called a dirty little boy, there's someone in South Florida ready to welcome you.




You and your spouse ever wondered what it would be like to have people watch you get it on? We've got more swingers clubs than we do good Indian restaurants. Do you find a swift paddle to your buttocks VASTLY more relaxing than some "deep tissue massage"? South Florida is here to help. And if you've ever thought about doing more than kissing another girl and liking it, well, you can't spell bienvenidos without bi. So strap in, strap on, and get ready. Here's your guide to getting freaky in South Florida.


Swinging in Miami


We are the swinger capital of America, and if you're a couple who's ever even half-joking-but-not-really kicked around the idea of swinging, you've come to the right place.  The easiest place to find people to "play" with (this is swingers' term of art, like you're going to be striking up a game of backgammon) is Swingers Date Club, or SDC. SDC is kind of like eHarmony, except instead of questions like, "What's the most important trait in a romantic partner?" it asks, "Do you prefer to watch your partner in threesomes or orgies?"


If online swinging just seems a little too embarrassing, and you'd rather not have to lie about your vacation group sex by telling people you met them at Starbucks, we've got no shortage of swingers clubs here too. Where you can do everything from dip your toe into "the lifestyle," to, well, whatever you're imagining. But before you try out anything, make sure you do some swinging prep first.

Purple neon near a freeway off-ramp means there's sex inside.  


Miami Velvet

Rule No. 1 in Florida: Purple neon near a freeway off-ramp means there's sex inside. Nowhere is this more evident than this stalwart swingers club next to the Palmetto Expressway. Though Miami Velvet isn't anywhere near tourist areas, it is still the spot to hit if you're looking to expand your sexual horizons.

Secret in the Suburbs: A Wife's Diary of Experiences in the Swinging Lifestyle: Book 1



The club contains a few different areas. The front is your standard Miami Latin club, where people in normal clothes dance and drink and wink at each other across the room. The difference here is you don't have to go far once that progresses to rhythmic dry-humping. Down a hallway off the dance floor is a "towels-only" area, full of public areas and semi-private rooms where people sit around mostly naked and discuss the finer points of the capital gains tax. Or, ya know, boink each other's brains out.


You can participate as much or as little as you like. So if you and your partner are merely curious, you can just observe. Or you can go in a private room and have sex with nobody watching. Or you can leave the door open and let people watch. Or you can invite them to join you. If you're new to the world of swinging, no place starts you off better than Miami Velvet.




The club is members-only and BYOB. You'll have to pay about $150 as a membership fee to get in -- but think what you'll save by toting in your own Tanqueray.



Trapeze

Ft. Lauderdale's answer to Miami Velvet is Trapeze, more of a swingers club for seasoned veterans. While nobody's going to make you paint a "V" on your face like it's the Rocky Horror Picture Show if you're new to the lifestyle, it's definitely the club of choice for swingers in the know. The crowd trends a little older -- more late 30s to 40s -- but still skews hot.



Trapeze is divided into two areas separated by a co-ed locker room. In the front room a BYOB bar serves up drinks and couples dance is various stages of undress. In the towels-only back area, you'll find one section for singles and one for couples. Only on certain nights can single guys traipse in unaccompanied.


Secret in the Suburbs: A Wife's Diary of Experiences in the Swinging Lifestyle: Book 1



Trapeze charges a one-time membership fee that lasts for six months, typically about $50. Then you'll pay a one-time "facilities charge" which essentially pays the salaries of the poor souls charged with cleaning up the place after you're done. The fee also varies, from $50 on slower nights to $100+ on more popular nights.



Bliss parties

While the clubs discussed above are what are known as "on-premise clubs" -- that is, you can have anonymous sex with other couples right there and then go on your merry way -- Bliss parties are different. First, they're not swingers parties. They're what founder Nathan Bliss describes as "erotic-themed events for bi-sexy women and adventurous couples." This is a nice way of saying if you've ever thought about bringing another woman into the bedroom -- or if you're the kind of girl who's said "I'd only do a threesome if I was the other woman" -- this is the place to try it.



 
Yes, the crowd is sexy. No, you don't have to be Tom and Giselle to make the cut.  


The parties are held at an undisclosed location (typically a club) where pre-screened guests are hipped to the address just before the party. In order to get the invite, you need to go to the Bliss party website and apply. The events are held monthly, so you'll have to check the website before you make any plans. And the parties aren't on-premise events, so they're more exploratory social gatherings than in-your-face sex parties. Yes, the crowd is sexy. No, you don't have to be Tom and Giselle to make the cut. If you keep in shape and are of an appropriate age, your chances are pretty good of getting in. Better, obviously, if you're a single female.

Matt Meltzer is a contributing writer for Thrillist who lives in Miami. Follow him on Instagram @meltrez1.

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